Ask About Jack

It's okay to ask about Jack.  Don’t worry.  It’s not going to send us any further into the hole of grief that we haven’t already experienced. Say Jack’s name, ask about what kind of person he is (not was), what he enjoys (not enjoyed).  Jack IS our son, IS a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a friend.  That’s not going to ever change.

We choose keep Jack in the “now”, the present, because that’s where he belongs.  He’s a part of our family, as always.

Although our departed loved ones are physically gone, their existence, energy, and influence are alive, well and perpetual.  They were an integral part of our lives before “death” got in the way.  They deserve to be a current and integral part of our daily lives and conversation now.  Immortal? Yes, of course they are.  However, we can keep them current, talk about, and talk with them.  You know them, who they are, what they believe, and how they’d react to something.  They have a voice.  They can help us make choices.  They ARE in our lives right now and are ready to help us on our life’s journey.

Death does feel like an elephant in the room (no offense to elephants).  We avoid speaking our loved ones’ names, as though talking about them will only make our grief worse.  Yes, the grief and loss are always there, and the pain is excruciating.  However, the beauty and complexity of who that person IS need attention too.  They should be defined by more than their untimely death.  Their life and who they are needs to be exalted.  As for the elephant, Jack and his wry sense of humor would say that the elephant is not only in the room, but is sitting in Jack’s favorite chair, crushing the cushions, and leaving a mess of peanuts everywhere (Jack always has a Rodney Dangerfield-esque way of telling a story). 😉

Please check back to enjoy future thoughts, stories, “Jack humor”, and other conversation.